March 2012
2 posts
4 tags
Why Tony is wrong about wraps
I first wrote this for the EchoDitto blog. The original post is also called “Why Tony is wrong about wraps”, because he’s still wrong. If you want to work for a cool company too, then you should know that we’re hiring.
Tony Guzmán is an EchoDitto project manager. His clients adore him and his projects are successful, bar-setting endeavors. He is, by a handful of accounts,...
January 2012
1 post
1 tag
It's getting very adult up in here
I like women. I like women. I like the concept of a woman.
I love you, Reggie Watts.
December 2011
3 posts
3 tags
I didn't believe the talk about Rick Perry's new...
But here it is.
4 tags
A moistened blessing from Superego and Reverend...
Rev. Leroy Jenkins:
For blessing these boys let me bless you with a moistened blessing of multiple blessings blessing your future and the future of your young ‘un blessings.
With praise,
Rev. Leroy Jenkins
Oh, I’m sorry, what do you get in the mail? I get the good stuff. With PRAISE.
1 tag
Your "Uggs"
November 2011
1 post
3 tags
Free Ayn Rand books
I’m sorry, you said you had some questions about irony?
October 2011
5 posts
3 tags
Job
I favorite what I favorite.
3 tags
Mount Lafayette
It gets cold one mile up. And you’ve got to walk more than a few miles laterally to get that one vertical mile.
I’d recommend you prepare. Proper food and clothing and drink is needed. Also, bring a friend to sit on your feet because you stepped off of a rolling log while crossing a stream and now your toes don’t feel cold anymore and that’s the problem.
You bring...
2 tags
The Stepkids
So smooth. It’s aural Don Draper, but with less cheating, more drinking, and the same amount of mistaken identity.
2 tags
'New cloth self-cleans by killing bacteria' →
Spoiler alert.
3 tags
This TSA apology
The TSA did an awful thing, inflicting pain and suffering on a person already in a great deal of pain and suffering. You’re either familiar with this story, or you’re telling your computer, “I think I’m familiar with this story, I mean, it sounds like all these other stories or maybe I just heard it in passing; I’ve definitely heard of this story”. It’s...
September 2011
5 posts
3 tags
'Pull a comb through your coal black hair'
Julie Klausner on “How Was Your Week”:
“Do you ever think that anyone ever thought in the 90s—I’m not going to say during the LA riots, but when thinking about or when discussing the LA riots—they were like, ‘The only riot I’m okay with is a zoot suit riot.’ Do you think anyone ever said that?”
Where are these jerks putting down women in...
2 tags
A trip to the café
Counter lady: Sir, I know you ordered a pot of tea, but we’re going to go ahead and give you straight lava. Frankly, you look like you’re a little too attached to your tongue and we talked it over when you came in and, honestly, we’d all feel better if it had that disturbingly rough feeling and you couldn’t taste anything for a week or so. Also, it may kill you: we did say...
2 tags
More Wild Flag, please
Challenge A: Quit rocking out. Challenge B: Stop saying, “It says it’s a pie chart, it’s shaped like a square. Who did that?”
You can’t. You can’t do either. Give me that five dollars.
[Wild Flag - Romance from Merge Records on Vimeo]
2 tags
This is how you write a job listing
I’ve sifted through a lot of job listings in the past few weeks or so. As much as I need to prove my value to a potential employer, a company needs to show that it’s worth working for. If you’re a “hip web company”, then you need to know your space. This is a sign that you’re not and you don’t.
This is my roundabout way of getting to two points:
...
3 tags
"All You Got is Plugs"
The most recent episode of the brilliant Comedy Bang Bang hosted by Scott Aukerman has a “Plugs” theme written and performed by Jameson Nordberg, Robb Blumenreder, and me. This week’s guests include comedians Paul F. Tompkins, Zach Galifianakis, and the band Yo La Tengo.
We’re 45 seconds of an entire hour. Bring on the fame and fortune cookies.
June 2011
6 posts
1 tag
AND NOW YOU KNOW
From Wikipedia:
Although the name of the event is usually understood as a plural possessive (i.e. “day belonging to fathers”), which would under normal English punctuation guidelines be spelled “Fathers’ Day,” the most common spelling is “Father’s Day,” as if it were a singular possessive (i.e. “day belonging to Father”). In the...
3 tags
Television shows the old guys sitting next to me...
Mike & Molly
Frasier
The Dick Van Dyke Show
Hawaii Five-0 (reboot)
All other writers and producers, your bar has been set.
6 tags
Of basketball
Thank god for Dallas.
It’s rare that the easy thing to do is also the right thing to do, and I think that’s why we get so much joy out of hating Lebron James.1 Between “King,” “The Decision,” and the South Beach welcome party he’s both the villain we deserve and he deserves.
It’s also rare that two parties belong with one another like James and...
3 tags
Didn't they suffer enough?
From Wikipedia:
”[‘Celebration’ by Kool & the Gang] is also notable for having played when the remaining American hostages returned home following the 1979-1981 Iran Hostage Crisis.”
This is so sad.
11 tags
Episodes
Family Ties: 7 seasons
It’s a fun game my father and I created recently and I’m going to ruin all of the good ones for you here.
Perfect Strangers: 8 seasons
The intent is to present your opposing player(s) with a popular—but preferably bad—television sitcom or drama from the past 10 to 50 years (or so).
Maude: 6 seasons
The opposing player guesses the number of seasons. My...
May 2011
4 posts
1 tag
I made a Tumblr thing to mock my parent thing
Mydadwasborninthe50s.com
4 tags
International economics and friends
From Wikipedia:
The Impossible Trinity (also known as the Inconsistent Trinity, Triangle of Impossibility or Unholy Trinity) is the Trilemma in international economics suggesting it is impossible to have all three of the following at the same time:
A fixed exchange rate.
Free capital movement (absence of capital controls).
An independent monetary policy.
I have a similar theory...
3 tags
Jim Abbott
2 tags
Dear Mr. Netflix
None of this makes any sense.
April 2011
9 posts
3 tags
Removed the beard
Now I look five. And all because Trump didn’t believe the picture on my driver’s license. Ugh, we gotta stop listening to that guy.
5 tags
Unemployment induced boredom
“If you’re not working, then aren’t you incredibly bored?” — Everybody
My imagination is better than it was when I was five, so: no.
Also, I make things because I have access to grownup things like power tools and hydrometers. Instead of sitting around, I’ve been occupying myself with bookmarklets, micro-batches of cider for my brother’s pre-wedding tasting...
3 tags
Amazon EC2 and Easter dinner
Amazon’s EC2 had some outages the past day or so, crippling quite a few web startups. Don’t worry, users are really understanding, like this lady who commented on the Springpad blog:
“I don’t believe this could have happened at a worse time for us, your users. I have several recipes stored…”
I want to worry about what she worries about.
5 tags
'One of These Things'
Mr. Netflix, one of these doesn’t belong.
3 tags
I've been holding onto this email for about a week
When things get dull, or I remember I still haven’t done my taxes, I pull out my phone and open up my email. Then I laugh. And I laugh. And maybe snort.
Thanks, Microsoft.
3 tags
Your summer seasonals
whyamiinseminary:
The second best part about baseball season - OBERON
thank you kalamazoo
I’ll make this real easy: If you’re drinking Samuel Adams Summer Ale, then you’re wrong.
You’ll find yourself on the right path when you look in your hand and see Bell’s Oberon, Smuttynose’s Summer Weizen, or something that begins with Weihenstephaner.
Asking the important questions
Me: I like that shirt.
Bri: Yeah, but would you like it on Facebook?
2 tags
WESH Orlando
3 out of 4 Google News headlines agree, WESH Orlando’s meteorologist is kind of a jerk.
3 tags
A Netflix search bookmarklet for easier queueing...
Select text on a page. Click bookmarklet. Rejoice.
The bookmarklet is simple but it’s way more impressive than my Google skills because as I finish up here it looks like some jerk already created the same thing. Still, I like mine better since it has a pretty little arrow and I’ve removed the vowels to make it its own Silicon Valley startup:
→Ntflx
Know that you will find mixed...
March 2011
8 posts
2 tags
'Hey now!'
Applesauce.
[hark]
2 tags
The cuckoo clock
3 tags
This is what Kickstarter is for
We don’t need any more poorly directed art films; we need more bitters. We always did.
1 tag
4 tags
Ya smote!
1 Samuel 17:49:
Reaching Driving into his shepherd’s bag the lane and taking out a stone a step back, [Kemba Walker] hurled [the basketball] from his sling the top of the key and hit the Philistine in the forehead game winning shot. The stone sank in, and Goliath stumbled and fell face downward to the ground.
I mean, it’s practically perfect. It’s a goddamned transcript of...
2 tags
What I can't find
And what I want to show you, is a water cooler full of Excedrin that made an appearance in The Larry Sanders Show. It sat seductively in the background, never mentioned, like Chekhov’s gun, while I waited for Artie to get a migraine that never was.
So, best-in-class Googling skills still leave me without a picture or a clip to show you. The fruitless search is disappointing, not because...
1 tag
'Hartford Whalers Head Coach Cardigan'
Pure class.
[Mitchell & Ness]
February 2011
16 posts
3 tags
Oh, and happy birthday to my brother
It was yesterday, but I’m wishing him one today. Because I’m a bum? Yup. And also because he just got engaged. So, when I called him on his birthday (from London for about $10, BY THE WAY) he was getting his “Leif being happy for you” for something else. I only do one a day.
I don’t care if you’re my brother. One a day.
3 tags
On signage in London
Everything is proceeded by a “Please” and concludes with a “thank you.” I think I saw a sign that was only that, and everyone was pleasing and thank-youing like the Queen was watching and itching to bring beheadings back into style.
Even the “out of service” notification on the buses start with a “Sorry, “. That’s an apology and a comma. Take...
2 tags
A mother speaking to her 3 year old daughter about...
“I know you don’t care for it, but can’t we agree that it’s a very beautiful bridge when compared to the others?”
EVERYONE HERE IS SO BRITISH.
1 tag
My burden
My dad is a good man. He is. But every once in a while he spouts vile hate speech about mushrooms. I tell myself it’s because he grew up during a different time, but honestly it tears me up in side.