Julie Klausner on “How Was Your Week”:

“Do you ever think that anyone ever thought in the 90s—I’m not going to say during the LA riots, but when thinking about or when discussing the LA riots—they were like, ‘The only riot I’m okay with is a zoot suit riot.’ Do you think anyone ever said that?”

Where are these jerks putting down women in comedy? I’ve got some real jerk things to do to their real jerk faces.

Counter lady: Sir, I know you ordered a pot of tea, but we’re going to go ahead and give you straight lava. Frankly, you look like you’re a little too attached to your tongue and we talked it over when you came in and, honestly, we’d all feel better if it had that disturbingly rough feeling and you couldn’t taste anything for a week or so. Also, it may kill you: we did say it’s lava. Okay, it’s definitely going to kill you. Yeah, yeah. Did you lead a good life? We hope you led a good life. Alright now, have a good day—of reckoning.

They’re so polite.

Challenge A: Quit rocking out. Challenge B: Stop saying, “It says it’s a pie chart, it’s shaped like a square. Who did that?”

You can’t. You can’t do either. Give me that five dollars.

[Wild Flag - Romance from Merge Records on Vimeo]

I’ve sifted through a lot of job listings in the past few weeks or so. As much as I need to prove my value to a potential employer, a company needs to show that it’s worth working for. If you’re a “hip web company”, then you need to know your space. This is a sign that you’re not and you don’t.

This is my roundabout way of getting to two points:

1. I’m interviewing these companies beforehand, and if they make it to my second round, I apply¹; and
2. This may be the best job listing that I’ve ever seen.

No words are wasted and everything is Crystal Pepsi clear. Also, I enjoy this gem:

Your grammar is impeccable. If you can write well, you can do other things well.

The most recent episode of the brilliant Comedy Bang Bang hosted by Scott Aukerman has a “Plugs” theme written and performed by Jameson Nordberg, Robb Blumenreder, and me. This week’s guests include comedians Paul F. Tompkins, Zach Galifianakis, and the band Yo La Tengo.

We’re 45 seconds of an entire hour. Bring on the fame and fortune cookies.

From Wikipedia:

Although the name of the event is usually understood as a plural possessive (i.e. “day belonging to fathers”), which would under normal English punctuation guidelines be spelled “Fathers’ Day,” the most common spelling is “Father’s Day,” as if it were a singular possessive (i.e. “day belonging to Father”). In the United States, Dodd used the “Fathers’ Day” spelling on her original petition for the holiday, but the spelling “Father’s Day” was already used in 1913 when a bill was introduced to the U.S. Congress as the first attempt to establish the holiday, and it was still spelled the same way when its creator was commended in 2008 by the U.S. Congress.

• Mike & Molly
• Frasier
• The Dick Van Dyke Show
• Hawaii Five-0 (reboot)

All other writers and producers, your bar has been set.

beardpaintings:

This is a painting of robots playing leapfrog. It was inspired by the June 28, 1919 cover of the Saturday Evening Post painted by Norman Rockwell. I am selling this painting done with the beard on my face on ebay. All the money will be going to my friend Ryan Lachance so he can buy a new wheelchair.

Stop by, won’t you? http://tinyurl.com/3zo3eez

Graham Clark is doing everything right.

(Source: beardpaintings)

Thank god for Dallas.

It’s rare that the easy thing to do is also the right thing to do, and I think that’s why we get so much joy out of hating Lebron James.¹ Between “King,” “The Decision,” and the South Beach welcome party he’s both the villain we deserve and he deserves.

It’s also rare that two parties belong with one another like James and Miami. Miami is icky. In what is one of the more bizarre public works projects, the city has a thin layer of baby oil covering every surface. Things like sitting and putting down your bag become a chore.

Miami is like a snake, except that Miami is as slimy as it looks. And it gets on your insides.

There is one big downside to this whole Mavericks winning thing: rampant corruption, decades of economic exploitation, earthquakes, and and now Haiti has to suffer defunct Heat championship apparel.

From Wikipedia:

”[‘Celebration’ by Kool & the Gang] is also notable for having played when the remaining American hostages returned home following the 1979-1981 Iran Hostage Crisis.”

This is so sad.